A long time ago, I was an influential member of a team. One of the team members was constantly causing problems. He would focus on himself and what he would get to the detriment of the whole team and there was a constant power struggle between him and me. Seeing him, others in the team also changed their focus to what they were getting instead of the overall good of the team, which would have led to each individual's wellbeing.
Finally, I asked him to leave the team and he went away, probably feeling very bad about himself. I justified my actions in numerous ways, and all my facts were correct. However, it did not feel right. Something was amiss and in my heart of hearts, I knew it. I knew even though I had to do what I had to do, but could never place my finger on what exactly I did wrong - until a few days ago.
In a meditation session, I got an insight - that what matters is why we do things, not what we do. In the moment of choice, my concern was not for the wellbeing of the greater team, including this person, it was for making my negative feelings go away. And so I took a step that created more negative feelings. This happens over and over again in our lives.
In order to avoid negativity, we create more of it.
What is the solution - greater depth in our practice? Higher levels of skill. Investment in self-understanding and a long-term perspective about the effects of our actions on others. Not just for their sake, but also for ours. In due time, the flower of karma will blossom. At least - this is what I think.
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