Why love affairs must be conscious

An article by Osho:

Unless a love affair is very conscious. It is going to create great anguish, great trouble. All lovers are in trouble. The trouble is not personal; it is in the very nature of things. They would not have been attracted to each other - they call it falling in love - they cannot give any reason why they have such tremendous pull towards each other. They are not even conscious of the underlying causes; hence a strange thing happens: the happiest couples are those who never meet. 

Once they meet, the same opposition that created the attraction becomes a conflict. On each small  point, their attitudes are different, their approaches are different. Although they speak the same language, they cannot understand each other.

The way a man looks at the world is different from a woman. For example, a man is interested in faraway things - in the future of humanity,  in the faraway stars, whether there are living beings on

other planets or not.

A woman simply giggles at the whole nonsense. Her only interest is in a very small closed circle, in

the neighbors, in the family, in who is cheating his wife, whose wife has fallen in love with the chauffeur. Her interest is very local and very human. She is not worried about reincarnation; neither is she concerned about life after death. Her concern is more pragmatic. She is concerned with the present. Here and now. 

 Man is never here and now. He is

always somewhere else. He has

strangep reoccupation-s reincamation,

life after death

If both partners are conscious of the fact that it is a meeting of oppositions that there is no need to make it a conflict, then it is a geat opportunity to understand the totally opposite point of view and absorb it.  Then the life of a man and woman together can become a beautiful harmony. Otherwise, it is a continuous fight.

strangers

The feminine approach and the masculine approach are so opposed to each other that unless a conscious effort is made, unless it becomes your meditation, there is no hope of having a peaceful life.

It is one of my deep concerns: How to make love and meditation so involved in each other that each love affair automatically becomes a partnership in meditation - and each meditation makes you so conscious that you need not fall in love, you can rise in love. You can find a friend consciously, deliberately.

 You feel a deep harmony with me,

momentso f pea.cel,o ve and silence,

and naturally the question

has arisen in you that if this is possible

 with me, why is it not possible

with the man you love?

 The difference has o be understood

 You love me, but you dont love me

in the same way you love your husband,

your wife. Your love towads

me is not biological; with me your

love is a totaly different phenomenon

- it is of the spirit" not of

the body.

 And secondly, you are connected

with me becauseo f your searchf or

truth. My relationship with you is

tlnt of meditation. Meditation is

the only bridge benreen me and

you. Your love will deepen as your

meditationd eepensa, nd vice-versa:

zrs your meditation blossoms, your

love will alsob lossomB. ut it is on

a totally different level.

 With your husband, you are not

connectedin meditation.Y ou never

sit silently fm one hour together

just to feel each other's consciousness.

Either you are frghting or you

are making love, but in both cases,

you are rclated with the body, the

physical part, the biology, the hormones.

You are not rclated with the

innermost core of the other Your

souls rcmain separateI.n the temples

and in tlp churchesa nd in the

courts, only your bodies arc married.

Your souls are miles aparl

 If you want a harmoniousre lationship

with your man, you will have

 to learn to be more meditative.

Love alone is not enough.

 Love alone is blind; meditation

gives it eyes. Meditation gives it

understandingA. nd once your love

is bothl ove andm editationy, ou becomef

ellow travelersT. heni t is no

longer an ordinary relationship between

husband and wife. Then it

becomes a friendliness on the path

towards discovering the mysteries

of life.

 I am intoducing a totally new vision,

that men and women ogether

 in deep friendship, in a loving,

meditativer elationshipa, s organic

wholes, can reach the goal any mG

mentt heyw ant.B ecauseth eg oali s

not outside you; it is the center of

the cyclone,it is the innermospt art

of your being. But you can find it

only when you arc whole, and you

cannotb e wholew ithoutt heo ther.

 So rafter than wasting time in

fighting, uryt o understande acho ther.

Try to put yourself in the place

of the other; Ery to see as a man

sees, try to see as a woman sees

 But one thing has to be remembercd:

that without meditation,

love is destinedt o fail; therei s no

possibility of is being a success.

 You can pretend and you can deceive

others, but you cannot deceive

yourself. You know deep

downt hata ll thep rcmiseslo ve has

given to you haver emainedu nfulfilled

 Only with meditation does love

stan taking on new colors, new music,

new songs,n ew dances- because

meditation gives you the insight

to understantdh e polaro pposite,

and in that very undentanding

the confl ict disappears.

\

 If you love a man, meditation will

be the best prcsent tlnt you can give

to him.

 If you love a woman, then

the Kohinooq the world's largest diamond,

is nothing; meditation will

be a far more precious gift - and il

will makey our life sheerjo y.

 Meditation is man;

love is woman.